Jenna-lee.

ANNABELLE LEE

Author: Edgar Allan Poe

It was many and many a year ago,
In a kingdom by the sea,
That a maiden there lived whom you may know
By the name of Annabel Lee;
And this maiden she lived with no other thought
Than to love and be loved by me.

I was a child and she was a child,
In this kingdom by the sea;
But we loved with a love that was more than love -
I and my Annabel Lee;
With a love that the winged seraphs of heaven
Coveted her and me.
And this was the reason that, long ago,
In this kingdom by the sea,
A wind blew out of a cloud, chilling
My beautiful Annabel Lee;
So that her highborn kinsman came
And bore her away from me,
To shut her up in a sepulcher
In this kingdom by the sea.
The angels, not half so happy in heaven,
Went envying her and me
Yes! that was the reason
(as all men know, In this kingdom by the sea)
That the wind came out of the cloud by night,
Chilling and killing my Annabel Lee.

But our love was stronger by far than the love
Of those who were older than we
Of many far wiser than we
And neither the angels in heaven above,
Nor the demons down under the sea,
Can ever dissever my soul from the soul
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee.
For the moon never beams without bringing me dreams
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;
And the stars never rise but I feel the bright eyes
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;
And so, all the night-tide, I lie down by the side
Of my darling, my darling, my life and my bride,
In the sepulcher there by the sea,
In her tomb by the sounding sea.

You are my what if.

Well I have come to find, my family will never be okay and there is always going to be drama.
This life, this life is the one I have been given. I can take it and try and change it and freak out when I realise I can't.. Or I can admit I'm not a typical person and this isn't a typical life.

Roll with the punches.

being the 5th of March 2009, I was told by the love of my entire life, that I was his "one", and he couldn't imagine his life without me.

You have no idea how light I feel after watching this.

Australia day was filled with body wash, hair care, skin care, customers, complaining that we shouldn't even be open and make-up. Thank god we knocked off at 3:30 and not any later, it was quieeeet.
After work I picked up Danni and we went to Ebony's new house, it's so lovely and perfect for Ebony. Jane and Edward Cullen (Steve) were there too which was a pleasurable way to spend an afternoon, I like all of these people a lot!

Devastated I popped a mintec in my fingers now I smell like peppermint and burn everywhere I touch on my face.
/ pointless entry; I'm just trying to be better to you journal!

Isn’t it odd
how many times
you have thought
“I should go to Paris”
and how few times you have thought
“I should go to the moon.”

Lantern festival in China. Would.

One week is all I ask, just one healthy, care-free week so I can remember what it felt like before.

Last night at work, out of nowhere, someone who is almost a stranger said to me, "Jenna, if I were a man I would marry you."

Girl made my day.

So far new years resolution number 2878387 is coming together nicely - I am joining MBF! If you were me, and lived inside of my body you would understand how exciting this is. A lot of my time is spent at physios, doctors, hospitals, pharmacies and psychologists, and being a part time worker with a student boyfriend, rent, bills and food costs my medical expenses sometimes take the back seat. Which can't happen.
So I'm excited. Also this means the dentist! which means a filling for my arsehole tooth that one day decided to have a hole in it and now just makes my life harder than need be.
Other new years resolutions include playing a sport (Losing to Evan 10 - 0 and kicking all Verity's goals for her in FIFA just doesn't count). Futsal or women's cricket would be awesome although my skills lie on the softball field so if you wanna play ever? let's make a team?
In other news, Evan bought me a Twilight poster which I am proudly going to hang beside my Hogwarts school banner on our wall, yesss.

Give me books, fruit, French wine and fine weather, and a little music outdoors played by someone I don't know.

"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are.

Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.
-St. Augustine"

I think about what is ahead of me and what i have left behind and I find it over whelming and painful. I'm not really excited about much and fear I've lost/am losing my personality and everything I/others liked about me. It's incredibly difficult to be in a room with shiny people who are funny and happy, I don't know if A) I was always this way but was too young and mixed up to notice myself and my real faults (as opposed to the ones I have since forgotten) or B) have become this way either by subconscious choice or the result of a long list of mentally debilitating events and people. Whatever the case may be, I am stuck. Stuck going over conservations I will have with people before I am having them, stuck cursing myself from the inside whilst wondering if what i am saying is stupid or silly, STUCK wondering who the fuck I actually am and if I even like myself. It's getting so old and I am so tired. I want me back but I don't know if I ever liked me? Give me the cure of jealousy, dwelling and wishing I could be another.

I feel pain when I look at someone who has those eyes, the ones that have a sad story and I feel frustrated at my inability to help. I gave up meat and I became mad at myself for ever having eaten it. I became mad at the world, and opened myself up for understanding of the under privileged and educated my mind on things I need to know. Things I should have always been mad at. Maybe I should be mad at my schools for not teaching me how terrible things have gotten, why do we destroy our homes and our families, why do we eat innocence and beauty and treat them as though they can't feel pain, confusion or love, like they can't too, like a human, mourn the pain of loss. We aren't fair.

I love him so much my head hurts/

Sometimes I think I don't feel as close to some people because I don't have a certain attraction about me that others have.. Sometimes I wish people would think at how much time we have spent together and realise they get along with me just as well as the person they are more attracted to physically. I think my heart is just as nice as yours. My words may not be as educated, nor our experiences be similar, but if given more chance to show myself, I could shine just like they do. It makes me feel ugly, it isn't a nice feeling. I wonder if you ever feel it in your flowing dresses and bones.
Sometimes I don't want to be around people because I don't look forward to trying to dress up just to be let down, looking in the mirror isn't the most amazing feeling in the world. I wonder if you have ever felt like that. In your tight jeans and hairspray.

It's been a while, LJ.
I got drunk at least enough to make you old by now, and it has been at least since then that i have written on your face.
So here I am, same elbows, same freckles, same heart.
I don't fall asleep in my life any more, I found a reason to make me climb out of bed with the owls and be amongst the blur.
Feeling sleepy
Feeling happy
I miss you
I miss heaps of you

I fell in love.

She acts all cartoon cowgirl
when he’s around.
He is the sweetest thing,
his smile like a cradle.
She flirts like a pornstar’s daughter
and tells him she only ever hangs out with boys.
He blushes nectarine and hands her a coffee.
She sits with her feet dangling off a high chair
he looks at her like he’s 10 and she’s a wizz fizz bomb.

She kicks and her pigtails swish around like dashboard Hawaiian dancers.
She tells him that she’s listening for clues out her window
on how to be a better person.
Last night she heard a man yell
‘Don’t ever go pole vaulting’
in a fake Indian accent.
She thinks it’s definitely a clue.
He tells her, when he was a sailor,
the soft breeze under water would carry
the most ancient of songs
able to heal the wounds of man.

When he spoke she would look at him,
circling his face
sliding down his water park nose
nestling in his ears
fluffing his bald head with her hair,
his gentle eyes always adoring.
Her lips
coloured pink
ajar like an attic door
he wonders what it would be like to explore.

Giggles leave her mouth like mini bunnies with eyelashes.
She spins red cardigan tease
and leaves.
He can feel her go,
like she has all the rainbows in the world rushing after her.
Empty with bliss, he sits.